Someone once explained to me that men and women are socially different because, as cave-persons, our contributions to the survival of the tribe were quite different. Men relied on silent communication in communal activities, like hunting and warfare. Basically, Mr. Darcy was simply too handsome and wealthy to practice social graces like small talk, but our forefathers and boyfriends-of-old relied on prolonged silence as essential to survival.

Women, however, were responsible for protecting the tribe from dangers like poison berries and bathing-suit-area-rashes by trading information verbally.

Here are some distilled survival tips, brought to you by my tribe of ladies – whom I spoke with earlier today while surviving, thriving and successfully utilizing technology.

  • Buy black underwear, and only black underwear. It can always pass as sexy in a pinch, it technically matches everything, and black fabric doesn’t stain.
  • A pine-tree-scented-body-pillow is an infinitely more pragmatic solution to online dating than adopting an elderly dog that may-or-may-not-survive your time in graduate school.
  • When you finally do come to terms with your abundance of chin and lip hair, confess quickly. In addition to booze, Target now sells delicate electric razors, designed especially for the mustaches of ladies.

For more on the differences between men and women, check out this little mind-blowing, game-changer.